Bringing a new baby home is a the start of the most incredible journey. You are about to form the foundation of your family’s story for years to come. So many of my clients worry about how their toddler will adjust to having a new sibling and managing the needs of two children simultaneously. These concerns are completely normal! In this blog we’ll explore some practical tips to help ease the adjustment.
Understanding Your Toddler’s Emotional Adjustment
The first thing to keep in mind is that it’s perfectly normal for your toddler to feel a sense of insecurity when a new sibling arrives. For their entire life they’ve been the centre of your attention. Now that the attention has to be shared, they may feel a sense of uncertainty. This often manifests as clinginess, regression, or other signs of insecurity. Rather than trying to eliminate these feelings, my advice is to acknowledge and accept them as a natural part of your toddler’s emotional adjustment.
The Importance of Consistency
One of the most important things to remember during this transition is to maintain consistent boundaries with your toddler. A common mistake many parents make is loosening rules or routines out of guilt, hoping it will make the adjustment easier. Do not do this! It has the opposite effect. When their new sibling arrives, your toddler is already grappling with big changes such as their role in the family and the dynamic at home. If the rules and boundaries that were in place also shift, it adds more change causing them to feel more insecure. It also provokes them to test boundaries harder, because they no longer know where the boundaries are. As a result your toddler’s behaviour becomes worse. Focus on maintaining the structure and boundaries your toddler is used to. Consistency provides a sense of safety and predictability, helping them feel secure during a time of change.
Avoiding Major Transitions
Try to avoid major transitions before your newborn arrives. If you want to begin potty training or moving your child from a cot to a bed its best to wait until after the baby is born. This can help reduce stress for both you and your toddler. You might feel pressured to transition your toddler to a bed before the baby’s arrival. However, it’s perfectly fine to two cots set up simultaneously and keep your toddler in a cot during this time. Even if your toddler seems to adjust well to a new bed in the months before the baby arrives, the big life change of having a sibling might disrupt that progress, leading them to leave their bed for attention. Waiting until things have settled can make the transition smoother for everyone.
Managing Regressions
It’s very normal for toddlers to experience regressions in areas such as potty training or sleep when a new baby arrives. You could notice that they start having accidents again, even after months of successful potty training. They could begin resisting naps or bedtime. These setbacks are a natural reaction to change. To help them adjust, stay consistent with your rules and routines. Don’t revert to diapers during potty training or change sleep expectations due to pushback. You need to stay strong and keep those expectations and boundaries the same.
Maintaining a Strong Bedtime Routine
Maintaining your toddler’s bedtime routine is essential. It can be tricky with a newborn in the house because most newborns will be awake until mum goes to sleep herself. Be prepared for some resistance, as your toddler may feel jealous that the baby gets to stay up while they have to go to bed. Despite this, keeping your toddler’s bedtime routine and schedule consistent is crucial. Consider having one parent step out of the bedtime routine with the baby entirely. For instance, Dad could care for the baby in a separate room while you dedicate your full attention to your toddler’s bedtime. This approach helps redirect your toddler’s focus away from the newborn.
Making Time for One-on-One Connection
If you are feeling guilty, the best thing that you can do is to carve out the occasional one-on-one time with your toddler when you can. Even short periods of focused attention, like a 20-minute story time, a quick outing to the park, or simply cuddling and chatting, can make a big difference. These moments remind your toddler that they’re still a priority in your life, despite the arrival of their sibling. I always recommend that a bedtime routine is a great time to do this!
See Previous Blog Post: How to Keep Your Child’s Routine on Track as Clocks Fall Back